Checking in on hometown mass

Going to mass in Auburn with my family is always a trip. Today was no exception.

Mass started out with a very loud plea (as in the microphone was way too hot for this naturally projecting speaker) to urge parishioners to contact their congressmen about the Freedom of Choice Act, the “most radical and divisive” piece of legislation ever, according to the courtesy postcards that were available in each pew. Those in attendance were urged to fill out these cards, and St. Joseph’s Catholic Church would do the grunt work of stamping and mailing them.

Highlights of the anti-FOCA speech included several popular e-mail-forward urban legends, including 1) FOCA will force Catholic hospitals to perform abortions and 2) all doctors would be forced to perform any elective abortions, even partial-birth, throughout the whole nine months if the mother so chooses. (Here is a link to Snopes if you’re worried.) The speech also included an appeal to the pocketbooks of the pro-lifers in attendance. “FOCA is an entitlement the government must fund,” the speaker warned, “with your tax dollars.” Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s — so he can kill babies!

A half hour or so later, the priest included what he described as “a sad statistic” in his homily: “52 percent of Catholics voted for our present president.” He couldn’t even bring himself to mention that one’s name.

The absolute best part, though, was the closing hymn; mass at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church ended with “America, the Beautiful.” If God’s not a Republican, he’s a masochist.

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